Sage and Jared’s Happy Gland Band

1. Long Long Walk

Sage and Jared visit the Bosque of Albuquerque, NM and magical things occur.

We make music videos. Help us make more here at our Patreon page:
patreon.com/happyglandband

lyrics

Let’s take a long, long walk
Along the ditch and talk
We’ll lose ourselves in time
And eventually wind up
Right back where we started
Together, singing, open-hearted

Let’s take a long, long look
At this garden bursting
With gifts we’re freely given
Given care and cultivation
We’ll get right back where we started
With our friends all open-hearted

Let’s take a long, long walk
Along the bosque trail
Feel the river, steady flowing
And the cottonwood trees growing
We’ll get right back where we started
Together, singing, open-hearted

Written by Sage Harrington.
Sage: uke, vocals
Jared Putnam: bass, whistling, glockenspiel

2. Fallen in the Sun

This song is about the horrors of the impending apocalypse. Written by Jared Putnam.

lyrics

When the earth has fallen in the sun
When frogs don’t croak and hummingbirds don’t hum
When no one’s there to water burning lawns
And ugly ducklings don’t turn into swans

When junebugs cease to cling to backdoor screens
And golfers cease to putt on putting greens
When monkeys nevermore swing from their tails
And whalers nevermore shall harpoon whales

The whalers and the sailors turn to steam
The tailors never stitch another seam
Snowflakes never more again shall fall
But I’ll still love you darling most of all

When the earth has been reduced to ash
And no one watches episodes of M*A*S*H
When watermelons nevermore shall grow
And city streets with molten lava flow

When it’s time for everything to die
From cockroaches to hippopatami
I won’t be afraid and I won’t cry
As long as I have you right by my side

I won’t be afraid and I won’t scream
As long as you are right there next to me

credits

Jared Putnam, vocals and resonator guitar
Sage Harrington, vocals
©2015 Jared Putnam (BMI)

3. The Clever Wife

This is a song that Sage wrote about the wonders of being a 1950s housewife. May or may not be based upon life experience, i.e. experiences experienced by Sage in this life, or in a past life or lives, or experiences experienced in the current or past lives of others.

The video lives here: sageharrington.com/clever-wife-new-video/

lyrics

While you’re laughing I am dreaming
At a most relaxed pace
Swinging gently in our hammock
Making crowns of Queen Anne’s lace

Should you kiss me I will kiss you
For I’ve been dreaming of the day
That we’ll live together
And things will go this way

Reading the paper
Eating fried eggs with toast
You’re the one that I love the most
You’re the one that I love the most

Mixing martinis
Being the world’s best host
You’re the one that I love the most
You’re the one that I love the most

As you waken I stand by our bed
Bearing breakfast trays
Coffee, orange juice, buttered toast
Cream, jam, and two poached eggs

While you’re working, I am cleaning
Dusting baseboards, also basting
Tender pork ribs in the oven
Just for you to enjoy tasting

Juicing the oranges
Frying up the french toast
You’re the one that I love the most
You’re the one that I love the most

Peeling potatoes
Roasting a big pot roast
You’re the one that I love the most
You’re the one that I love the most

Betty Crocker says the clever wife
Always keeps her cool
She has an apron that she sewed herself
That makes her husband drool

Reading the paper
Eating fried eggs with toast
You’re the one that I love the most
You’re the one that I love the most

credits

Sage Harrington, soprano ukulele and vocals
Jared Putnam, upright bass
©2014 Sage Harrington / Goat Soap Society (ASCAP)

4. An Ode To Columbus Day

Columbus wasn’t just a brave and smart navigator, he was also a raping, murdering, genocide-committing piece of shit who deserves a Happy Gland Band song to be written about him. With much vulgarity.

I quoted from Inga Muscio’s “Autobiography of A Blue-Eyed Devil: My Life and Times in a Racist, Imperialist Society,” liberally in writing the lyrics for this song.

The video for this song lives here:sageharrington.com/happy-gland-band-ode-columbus-day/

We all know the story
We know what we’ve been told
Columbus, he was brave and smart and worth his weight in gold
But here is something I didn’t know
I wasn’t taught back in the day
It was quite a revelation to learn
To hear somebody say

Columbus was an asshole
A wholesale piece of shit*
This holiday’s a total sham
Let’s do away with it
Imagine your nine year old daughter
Sold as a sex slave**
What a fine thing to celebrate
This Columbus Day

S—Hey Jared—you know what I feel like doing this October 13?
J—What’s that, Sage?
S—Oh, you know, just getting in on a little US-Government-sanctioned celebration of someone who raped, murdered, and started a pattern of genocide of indigenous people that we’ve kept up over the past five hundred years.
J—You don’t mean Columbus, do you?!? I thought everyone loved Columbus!
S—Well, in 2011, Venezuelans tore down a huge statue of him and renamed Columbus Day, “The Day of Indigenous Resistance.”*
J—But that’s in Venezuela!
S—Actually, the Seattle school board just voted to rename Columbus Day “Indigenous Peoples Day.”***

Columbus was an asshole
A wholesale piece of shit*
This holiday’s a total sham
Let’s do away with it
Imagine you tried to escape him
And were fed to a dog the next day**
What a fine thing to celebrate
This Columbus Day

J—But Sage, Columbus Day has been a treasured family tradition for hundreds of years!
S—Actually, the Knights of Columbus, an all-male Catholic organization, convinced FDR to make it a national holiday back in the 1930s.**
J—But Sage, Columbus opened the door to a whole new world!
S—Yeah, for the Europeans who were interested in totally dominating the people who had lived here for 14,000 years.**
J—So Columbus Day is really just a bunch of white supremacist bullshit!
S—Now you’ve got it!

Columbus’s filthy white supremacist boots*
Never touched dirt we now call American*
So can somebody tell me why we here in the USA
Are honoring his memory today?

Columbus was an asshole
A wholesale piece of shit*
This holiday’s a total sham
Let’s do away with it
Imagine an entire nation
Worked, diseased to death*
In the words of Inga Muscio:
Fuck Columbus Day*

*quoted or paraphrased from the first chapter of Inga Musico’s really excellent book which you should totally read now, Blue-Eyed Devil: My Life and Times in a Racist, Imperialist Society www.ingalagringa.com/books-writing/autobiography-of-a-blue-eyed-devil/
**paraphrased/sourced from The Oatmeal’s Christopher Columbus was awful (but this other guy was not) theoatmeal.com/comics/columbus_day
***source: The Colbert Report on Columbus Day: thecolbertreport.cc.com/videos/0gscic/columbus-day-under-attack

For your interest:
earlyamericanists.com/2013/10/23/whattheoatmealmissed/

credits

Written by Sage Harrington (ASCAP) and Jared Putnam (BMI).

5. The Souls of Unfinished Songs

We made a song in a minor key! How unusual!

The video for this song lives here:
sageharrington.com/souls-unfinished-songs/

lyrics

A plague of red-eyed gnats
Comes down upon me
Drinks the tears from my eyes
Sip, sip, sip
Tiny feet upon my skin
The rush of wings in the air
All hope is gone
For the souls of those unfinished songs

The wings of a hundred bats
Bring in darkness and strife
Whipping up what I’d tamp down
Cruel, dark, cold
The ravens come on the wing
From their perch of despair
All hope is gone
For the souls of those unfinished songs

They hover around my ears
Black wings beating
Draining all hope from my heart
Wishing they’d take to the sky
I wish them away
But can’t let them go
The souls of those unfinished songs

6. One Star Review

A song dedicated to Yelper Vero P., who gave The Supper Truck its only one star review. Sadface.

The video for this song lives here: sageharrington.com/one-star-review-song-supper/

lyrics

You wrote us a one star review,
But can’t you see how much we love you
You came in for Supper on a really busy night
And we didn’t do things quite right

So we wrote you a letter
To tell you we’d do better
We’ll make you up a juicy burger
And season perfectly your waffle fries so you could

Take back your one star review
Vero P. can’t you see how much we love you
If you’d just told us in person what we had done wrong
We’d have given you a bucket of Moon Bombs

Instead you wrote us a one star review
Before you could try the Shrimp and Grits or Fried Pickle Chips
You logged onto Yelp with firey vitriol
Telling the web we’re a waste, which is sad

We’re sorry we let you down
We hate to see you frown
But don’t let us drown in our tears because

You wrote us a one star review
Vero P., can’t you see how much we love you

Dear Vero P.
Have a Fried Chicken Banh Mi on me
We’ve tried to reconcile
We’ll go the extra mile because we love you
In spite of your one star review

credits

Lyrics by Sage Harrington and Amy Black. Music by Sage Harrington. Ukulele and vocals by Sage Harrington. Upright bass played by Jared Putnam.

7. Dead Sloth

No disrepect to sloths.

The video for this song lives here:

sageharrington.com/dead-sloth-new-video-happy-gland-band/

lyrics

Let’s go to the park soon
It’s gonna get dark soon
We’re gonna find you a dead sloth

credits

Sage Harrington: tenor banjo, tin whistle, accordion, vocals. Jared Putnam: upright bass, steel guitar, toy piano, vocals.

album released November 16, 2015